On Monday I got an e-mail from a young lady who is a former Youth of mine. “Got a joke for you. You will like it!” She was always one of the kids who loved to run jokes by me to try and crack me up. I was mentally swept back in time fifteen years to a gawky teen trying out another joke. As I read the e-mail I prepared myself to groan at the silly joke. This one, though, was quite good.

         It seems a Secret Service agent was promoted to President Trump’s personal detail. The young man was nervous there on his first day, and he was extra vigilant, even though all they were doing was walking with the President across the White House lawn to a waiting helicopter. Vigilance paid off, because the new agent was the first to see the man with a pistol jump out from the bushes. The agent stepped between the gunman and the President and shouted in a commanding voice, “Mickey, MOUSE!” The would be assassin was startled by the shout and hesitated just a fraction of a second. In that brief time, another agent was able to get to the gunman and subdue him. Of course, the President was very grateful. The President and his people loaded into the helicopter and the agents formed a perimeter around the helicopter while others searched for any additional gunmen. While they stood there, the new agent’s supervisor stepped up next to him and quietly said, “That was good work back there. But why did you shout out “Mickey, MOUSE!” The agent blushed and said, ” Actually, I got flustered. I meant to yell Donald, DUCK!”

         It caught me by surprise, especially because she had gifted me dozens of lame jokes all those years ago. The joke stayed with me all day. It made me realize how serious we all have become. The uncertainty, the politicizing of the virus, the tension all around. I always look for humor, but for the last couple of years, humor has not been with me much. Perhaps for you, as well.

         So, rather than being serious, here is some humor. Enjoy, if you will. And if you are just too serious to enjoy a smile, turn on the news.

         It seems a new teacher was working with a class of 5 and 6 year old children in Sunday School. She decided to test them to see how well they were picking it up. She particularly wanted to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into heaven?"
         "NO!" the children answered.
         "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
         Again, the answer was, "NO!"
         By now she was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"  
         Again, they all answered, "NO!"
         By now the teacher was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
         A five-year-old boy shouted out, "FIRST, YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

         Many of us have stories about the things little kids say. Back when Marsha and I did a Children’s Church, we introduced a little song called ‘Four Letter Words.’ Love, care, nice, Words like that. At the end a little girl jump up and said I know some other four letter words. She got about three of them out before Marsha swept her up and hustled her out.

         Sometimes, a quiz can be funny. Here are some questions with their answers.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquid...ation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all gathered in one Accord. 

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant law breaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.  

Q. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?

A. It's in the Bible. It says . . . 'He-brews'

         Not your normal blog, but then again, I am not a normal pastor.