When I was eleven, the funniest kid in school was Greg Rinyo. Of course, you never heard of Greg, but you knew someone like him. That is, if you were an eleven year old boy. Greg told these really dumb jokes that left us in stitches. One of the great things about being a boy, there was always a Greg. Girls, however, were different. You never saw girls laugh so hard that it was hard to breathe. No real sense of humor. Even at eleven years old they were talking about the boys. Judging them. Putting them down while secretly sizing them up. Serious stuff. Girls were too sophisticated. Unless they were away from boys. Then they could be silly. I had two older sisters. They could be laughing and cackling in their bedroom, but if I walked in the laughing stopped and a shoe would be on it's way to my head in an instant.

Of course, the boys outgrew all of that silliness. We grew up, took on responsibilities, fought wars and raised families. We longed for those days with Greg at the lunch table.

The good news is, THOSE DAYS ARE BACK!!! And it isn't an eleven year old kid telling the jokes now. Men are telling the jokes! Now, we call them DAD JOKES! And the girls still don't understand. Even so, today's blog takes us back in time. If you are a female (or identify as a female today) have your son/ brother/ Dad/ boyfriend/ husband explain it to you. I give you something non-theological....Dad Jokes! Although, I think even the disciples would laugh.

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot!

How do trees get online?

They log in.

Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They might crack up.

Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.

What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers!

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

What did one wall say to the other?

“I’ll meet you at the corner.”

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

Why was the computer cold?

It left its Windows open.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To talk to the other side of the road.

What kind of car does a sheep drive?

A lamborghini.

How do cows stay up to date?

They read the moos-paper.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

How does a snowman get around?

By riding an “icicle.”

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

Why don’t skeletons ever use cell phones?

They have no body to talk to.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

You might think it’s “R,” but it’s the “C”!

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

She kept running away from the ball.

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

What do you call a factory that makes good products?

A satisfactory.

Why did the barber win the race?

He took a shortcut.

Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they’re shellfish.

Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

OK, I am done. Resume your normal day now.