What does one write about in the week leading up to Father's Day? Well, of course, Father's Day! We fathers are viewed sometimes as walking ATMs, tellers of lame jokes, less bright than our wives and children and hopelessly inept at the social graces of civilized society. We deserve some praise. But that is not what is on my mind these days.

    Fifty years ago this past Sunday, I graduated from high school. A bit of a wake-up call. Somehow, even with illnesses and struggles and gray hair these last several years, I didn't hear old age rushing up behind me. That is probably because my hearing is going. But I have had to face the fact that eighteen year old Larry is gone for good.

    And yet, I haven't been thinking about my classmates much. It isn't because I have anything against my class, we were just never all that close, even during school. Other classes were, but we just never fell into that groove. My best friend, Keith, was in my class. We met when we were three years old. I loved Keith like a brother. Keith passed away three years ago and left a hole in my heart. But our friendship was mostly out of school. With everyone else, when the final school bell rang for the day, we all went our separate ways.

    No, I really haven't been thinking about my classmates. Mostly I have been thinking about the passage of time and the changes that have taken place. You never could believe a politician back then, but you wanted to believe. Now you don't even consider that they might be telling the truth. We thought a vehicle that got thirteen MPH was pretty good. Now, forty MPH is the benchmark, and government mandate is trying to change that. When four or five guys were all peering into the engine compartment while another guy was bent over the engine working on it, the other guys were offering advice based on their knowledge of auto repair. Now, if several guys are looking into an engine compartment, they are looking to see how you plug it in, since they couldn't find the plug on the outside. Back in the olden days, when we were simple minded folk and before society became so enlightened, we actually thought there were just two genders. Now, since we have become so smart, there are 107 different gender identities. I am not kidding. Just put in Google how many genders are there in 2024 and be amazed.

    Now, here is one for you. According to the Center for Disease control (and why they keep statistics on this is beyond me), every thirty six seconds a marriage ends in the USA. Prisons are full of inmates from broken homes. Obviously, marriages ended back in my day, but it was only seen as the most extreme option. Now, it is the first or second option. In the state of Ohio you have to be licensed in the state to perform marriages (one of the few states that require it). You have to meet several standards to prove you are ordained or licensed by a church. When I returned to Ohio from Indiana, I decided not to reapply for that license. I don't ever want to do another marriage. When the emphasis is more on the party after the wedding and the dress and the cake than the sacredness of the marriage, as it usually is these days, there are problems on the horizon.

    I heard an interview by Red Skelton back in the mid 1090s about the state of comedy at that time. Red was not a perfect man. He was not a pillar of decency. But he was funny. He said in the interview that the problem with comedy in the 1990s was that people thought you had to be vulgar in language and subject matter. When was the last time you heard a comedian who didn't sprinkle in some vulgarity. Some comedians start with vulgarity and get worse as they go along. It is hard to maintain your personal decency while being assailed with garbage.

    So, since June is the 'marriage month,' I thought I would give you Red's secrets to a good marriage. Think what a current comedian would do with this subject and then read Red's. Maybe our problem is we have forgotten how to laugh while learning how to be offended at the least little thing. Everything is so serious and filled with hate. Anyway, Red said.....

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she goes shopping.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

    And like Red said to finished every show, "And may God bless!"