I have discovered many things about people living where I live now. Some have questionable family backgrounds, things that would make you squirm in your seat to hear. Some have had very bad church experiences. You may think that the Roman Catholic Church leaders are the only ones that have abused people and then covered it up, but you would be wrong. Some have been married, unhappily, multiple times and yet would like to try at least once more. Some had wonderful marriages and now miss their spouses terribly. Everyone has a story or two. It can be pretty rugged, or it can be pretty wonderful. But one thing is common here. One thing that everyone will talk about freely.

Everyone here has the perfect grandchildren.

I know, I know.....your grandchildren are the most perfect. I understand. But to listen to folks here, you are dead wrong. You are living a lie. So, I have put together some stories from various sources about grandchildren. It is amazing that even when it is a story of a grandchild doing bad, it is really about an angelic little fart, uh, grandchild.

The first concerns a grandmother as she was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before since grandmother lived with the family. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" The little one had mistaken that final dabbing of the lips to take away the excess lipstick as kissing the toilet paper good-bye. Why squeeze the Charmin when you can kiss it.

Many folks here have children scattered all across the country, which doesn't seem to bother them too much. But that also means they have grands scattered everywhere. That creates distress. But all our new forms of communication helps with that. Phone calls, texting, video chats, it really is a very good thing. Not unusual to hear one grandparent explaining to another grandparent what the best app to use when making those calls. It is a special joy to connect with the little ones. One little great-grandson called his grandfather to wish him a happy birthday. "Grandpa, how old are you now?" Grandpa replied that he was 80 now. There was quiet for a moment, and then the little guy asked in wonder, "Did you start at 1?"

One grandmother was visiting her daughter and family and she was having a wonderful time spending time with the two grands. One evening she paid for her daughter and husband to have a night out. The plan was to have a fun night with her two little angels. But without parental supervision, the little ones where more wired than sweet. Finally, grandma had enough and, lovingly and gently, got them ready for bed. Now to relax! After putting her grandchildren to bed, grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

And finally, a grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" Grandma mentally polished her halo and said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

So now, finish your tea and go on to bed and don't make me come up there!