As they say, always read the fine print. Of course, page eight in the MAN HANDBOOK (all males receive the MAN HANDBOOK at age 18) says in the third paragraph, “Never ask for directions and never, never, never read the fine print. You are a man. Act like it!” Advice that has served me well these last many years. I put this in so that you female types can understand the following story.

          ‘Routine’ is also in the MAN HANDBOOK. In fact, in the revised edition (1988) it has its own chapter. Routine is something men follow religiously. It is part of who we are. Life is easier when we are in a routine. My morning routine includes, among other things, shaving my face and brushing my teeth. These are not ‘fun’ things. They are not things I do to make myself look better. They are routine. To do away with one or the other would be to break routine and breaking routine affects your whole day.

          Three months ago, it was time to buy a new tooth brush. I take my suits to the dry cleaners in Marion. (Believe it or not, neither Wabash nor North Manchester seems to have a dry cleaner. Noordman’s bakery has a service. You can drop your dry cleaning off and a truck from a cleaner in Ft. Wayne comes on Tuesday and picks up all the dry cleaning and then returns it all the following Tuesday. I hate to wait a week. I might need a suit before that. So, I go to Marion.) While in Marion, I stopped at their Wal-Mart to pick up a few things, including a tooth brush. That was probably my first mistake. Should have followed routine and bought the tooth brush in Wabash.

          All my routine requires in a tooth brush is…..a tooth brush. I don’t want one with the Avengers on it, I don’t want one that brushes my teeth for me, I don’t want one that has the fresh scent of lavender. I want one with stiff bristles and a slightly stiff handle. That’s it. So, as I walked down that aisle, I barely slowed down as I made my selection.

          (Also, in the MAN HANDBOOK, there is a section for shopping. Unless you are looking for tools or fishing equipment, you do not shop. You simply buy what you need. There is an option offered, though. You may shop if it is something for your girlfriend or wife.)

          For these past three months, the tooth brush has served me fairly well. Actually, it’s time is almost up. Another trip to Wal-Mart will soon be in order. Maybe sooner that I think.

          Last week I was brushing my teeth and thinking over the day to come when suddenly it happened. The first hint that my routine was changing was that my hand started to buzz. No other way to explain it. My right hand is somewhat plagued with arthritis, but it never caused my hand to buzz. Then, the sound began to pierce my preoccupied brain. A buzzing sound. Not high pitched, more like a big bee. Then the buzzing sensation began to be felt in my teeth. WHAT??? I staggered back against the wall.

           I pulled the tooth brush out of my mouth and stared at my wrist. Back in 1982 I broke that wrist for the second time and had surgery (which didn’t work well) to repair it. My first thought was that they left something in that wrist that just now activated. Seriously, I kid you not. I thought they left something in my wrist 37 years ago and now, while I was brushing my teeth, it turned on. Now I could feel the vibration. I thought, ‘have I ever heard of anyone’s arthritis suddenly coming on and vibrating?’ Pretty easy answer. No! Then I noticed that the head of the tooth brush was blurry. Again, I kid you not, my brain made a left turn. I have had serious problems with my eyes. The thought slammed into my mind, ‘MY BRAIN IS BUZZING AND IT IS MAKING MY EYES CRAZY!’

          I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were huge. I was foaming at the mouth (I was, after all, brushing my teeth). I looked startled and, actually, a little demented. But the person I was looking at was clear. It wasn’t my eyes. I blinked several times. Then it occurred to me that it was the tooth brush that was buzzing. I put it down. My hand ceased to buzz, but the tooth brush was moving on the sink. MY TOOTH BRUSH IS POSSESSED!!!

          No, that probably wasn’t it. The bristles were blurred. The head of the tooth brush was vibrating. I picked it back up. It was a regular tooth brush in appearance. Why was it vibrating?

          For the first time in three months I noticed two raised places on the handle. I may have noticed before but would have assumed they were decoration. I pushed the top one and nothing happened. I pushed the bottom one and the vibration stopped. I pushed the top one and it started again. Not the up and down motion of an electric brush. Just the buzzing.

          Of course, by this time I had thrown the packaging away. I assumed that it had said something about massaging the gums while brushing or something, but why? Relaxed gums? All I want out of my gums is no pain.

          I am going in the next week or two to get a new brush. I will go to the Wabash Wal-Mart. I don’t need some kind of weird thing they sell in Marion. And I will read the fine print this time. That is one very disturbing tooth brush.

          Now, of course, you are wondering how I am going to work this into a wonderful, theological message. Well, not this week. This week is just to be careful what you buy. Use your head. And remember; SOMETIMES IT IS OK TO NOT FOLLOW THE HANDBOOK.

          As a side note, there is going to be a change next week (probably). Urbana Yoke Parish is launching a new, easy to use web page. Up to this point, for the people in the church, I have been posting on the prayer chain that the blogs are out and supplying the links to the two blogs. Those of you from outside the church who read the blogs just have them filed in your FAVORITES file. Nothing will change for you. But for those of you who depend on the links I send, starting next week (once the page has been launched) I will give you the link to the new church web page. There you will see the connection to the blogs. While you are there, you will be able to see all the other things the web page has to offer. Mary Earle has spent a good deal of time and effort constructing this page, so you know it will be interesting. And it will be extremely easy to use. As you explore your way through it, you might even come across a picture of yourself. Mary is also the principle photographer and she loves to be sneaky. I will also post the link to the web page at the end of my blog each week for those of you who get to the blogs through your FAVORITES file. Mary’s blog and my blog will both be there and there will be a new blog. This one will be more along the lines of a devotional. We will start it once a week and see what happens.

You all have a good weekend and a great week.