This past Sunday evening Marsha and I were at Timbercrest. I was speaking at their evening chapel service. As is our custom from doing this kind of thing for a long time, we got there early and went around shaking hands greeting people. We don’t do it together, but instead I will usually start and then Marsha follows shortly. The result is that each resident gets two visits instead of just one visit by two people. One lady I talked to engaged me in a jokingly manner and we both had a couple of good laughs. As I was moving away, I reached down to shake her hand again, and when I did I, without thinking, put my left hand on her right shoulder. I caught myself, pulled my hand away, smiled and moved on.

          What was the big deal, you might ask. Believe it or not, that action has been determined in a court of law to be sexual assault. Back in the 1980s, a secretary for a large firm sued her immediate supervisor for sexual harassment over just that action. She won. Back then, that amazed me. I went to a seminar on sexual harassment to see what all that was about. What I learned was astounding. And that was 1989! It has gotten worse as time has gone by. Coincidentally, women are wearing more and more provocative clothing while screaming more and more about sexual harassment.

          What I learned….a handshake that lasts just a moment to long, any hug other than an A-frame hug, a hand on a woman’s back that touches her where her bra strap is, the handshake with the other hand on her shoulder (you are restraining her and putting her in bondage), never ever touch a woman’s face, never be alone with a woman, the list goes on. These are all forms of sexual harassment or assault. What really disturbed me was what is considered sexual assault toward children. If a little three year old girl runs up to me and I scoop her up and her derriere is on my arm (like it would be if you were holding a child) then I have just assaulted that child and probably ruined her for life. If I call a little girl (or a big girl, for that matter) ‘sweetie,’ I have just used sexually provocative language. Believe it or not, if I refer to a little boy as ‘buddy,’ it is also sexually provocative.

          You may not believe this to be true, but it is true. And, if your life is spent dealing with people, it is impossible to live up to these rigid rules. I must confess to you, given what society sees as sexual harassment, I am guilty. I have lingered over the occasional handshake, usually because the woman wouldn’t let go. I have done the wrong kind of hug, but what do you do when a woman who was a friend of your mother loses her husband of 60 years and you arrive in the middle of the night with the removal team to talk with her? You hug her as long as she needs to be hugged. I have placed my hand on a woman’s back in an attempt to keep her from stepping on me. One night, many years ago, Marsha and I were seated at a theater when two ladies were squeezing past us to get to their seats. The older of the two, and the largest, got right in front of me and apparently thought she had reached her seat. All of a sudden, she started to sit down on top of me. I put both hands up to ward her off and had a double handful of rear end. She squealed and I apologized and we all laughed, but I could have gone to prison, I guess. I have reached up with a Kleenex and the wiped the tears from a young mother’s face as we have talked about her child’s funeral. I have held a three year old girl on my arm because she ran up to me and wanted to be held. One time Marsha and I were out and we heard a loud “HEY!” We both turned and a blur was headed toward me. It was a seven year old girl, but I didn’t know that at the time. She leaped through the air into my arms and wrapped me in a fierce hug, arms around my neck and legs wrapped around my chest. “IT’S HIM, MOMMY! IT’S HIM!” Turns out, she had been in VBS. She told her mother, “This is the guy who told me about Jesus!” I was a little bothered and the mother was a lot bothered, but in the end, it was OK.

          The rules are crazy. You are a man and you are waiting to get onto an elevator. A woman comes up and begins to wait, as well. When the door opens, do you motion her to go before you, or do you go ahead and go first? You are a man and you are exiting a grocery store. As you head to your car you notice a woman having a difficult time getting her door open with her arm loaded with bags. Do you take a few bags, do you open her door, do you walk on to your own vehicle? Recently, on Facebook, there was a general question posted. “Are there any real men left out there who will still hold a door open for a lady?” Of course there are, but will we be accused of being sexist and condescending?

          It seems everywhere we look these days there is another well known male being accused of some sort of sexual misdeed. I am sure some of those accusations are true. But why would a woman who had been handled in a shameful way or had been talked to in a degrading manner or has had her career derailed for refusing sexual advances, why would that woman wait ten or twenty or thirty years, until the man in question was famous or rich or both? And why is it that when one woman comes forward all of a sudden four or five or ten others suddenly remember that they, too, were treated poorly by the same individual?

          I believe that many of these accusations are true. No doubt. But I also believe that some of the accusations are for publicity or extortion. Usually, the statute of limitations has run out, so the alleged perpetrator cannot be prosecuted, so what is the point other than some self serving motive? The most recent is against Morgan Freeman. I don’t know anything about Freeman, other than if he is in a movie I will at least consider going to see it. I rarely do, but we seldom go to the theater anyway. Three times a year, maybe. But I do think Freeman is a good actor. In his personal life, he may truly be a sad excuse for a person. But the whole accusation scenario of these eight women seems almost orchestrated. CNN was the reporting network, which makes me shake my head, anyway. And, while some of these incidents involved Freeman ‘looking’ at the woman in a way that made her uncomfortable, a couple involved actual touching. Why go to CNN? Why not the police? If the man in question is a pervert, let’s get him off the street so he cannot molest any others. These women are called brave for coming forward. I think it is just convenient. If they were brave they would have taken care of it long ago.

          I know, being a man there is no way I can understand how hard it is for a woman in today’s society. Our church in Ohio supported an organization that sheltered abused women and children. One day I was leafing through their monthly newsletter and found an article that said 25% of all women have been victims of rape or some other severe form of sexual abuse. I called the organization in question and, in general, got the run around. Finally, two days later and after multiple calls, I finally talk to a woman who told me that their surveys showed that the number was actually less than 10%, but that they knew (I guess because all men are animals) there were women who were just too ashamed to admit it. So, they set the number at 25%.

          How does this affect us? Well, I have been told that I am cold in my actions toward women. I rarely hug a woman. I refrain from just reaching out and even touching a shoulder. It changes who we are and how we react. And it also tells girls who are growing up to be women that men are predators. Not to be trusted. Feared, even. You rarely see a man and a woman as good friends. The cesspool that passes for our society says it has to be something more. This is tragic and wasn’t, I believe, as God intended. Men and women have different views and thought processes. Mixing those in a friendly give and take can often result in some really good programs and can reach hard to attain goals.

          We were told in seminary that all of us, if we stayed in the ministry for more than in ten years, would eventually run into issues with the opposite sex. The professor told us that it might just be that someone wanted to start a rumor and stir the pot. Somehow, for 42 ministry years, I have avoided that particular pot hole. Many, however, are not as fortunate. One of the real problems is that so many believe what they see on the internet or read in papers or hear on the news. I firmly believe that the actions of the Kardashians and others of their ilk are not newsworthy.

          What a sad state we are in. I was asked once what I would want to wrap up in my life if I knew the Lord would return tomorrow. The answer is absolutely nothing. Ready to go and leaves world behind.