Forty two years. That is how long Marsha and I have been married as of today, August 16, 2017. What do you do to commemorate forty two years? Especially since Marsha’s birthday was just four days ago. Early in our marriage I made the mistake of getting her a birthday/anniversary gift. It seemed so obvious to me; only four days difference, just get one nice gift. I found out fairly quickly that I was making a mistake. The birthday and the anniversary could be on the same day, it would still have to be two separate gifts. So, the question is the same; what do you do to commemorate forty two years?

          Get her something she really wants? Marsha has come to that point in her life when her wants are few. It hasn’t always been this way. It might be jewelry or it might be clothes or it might be a really cool vacation or it might be whatever. But that rarely worked out. August would come along and school clothes had to be bought for our son and school fees had to be paid and the summer was winding down and there were always a ton of things happening at the church and, well, it was usually hot and miserable and all we really wanted was to be cool. By the time our son’s school years were over the want of things had waned. As for clothes, I have found that for women’s clothes, August means winter clothes. (Maybe for men, too, but I don’t buy clothes.) No matter how nice the article of clothing, it is something for winter given in August, which is kind of gross. I know I could think of something in, say, April, but it is enough to think about our August anniversary by her August birthday. Cool vacation? Who has money for a cool vacation? School clothes, school fees, tons of things happening at the church. Turns out, August is not the best time for an anniversary.

          Looking back over the forty one anniversaries that have preceded this one, I can’t recall any that have been particularly memorable. Christmases are memorable. Some birthdays stand out. Mother’s days are very special. We even have just because days. But somehow, anniversaries have just come and gone with good intentions and hot days. Marsha would probably disagree. She tends to remember these things better than I do. The only one I really recall was our second. Marsha wanted to do something really special, so we went to Quail Hollow, which is a really nice restaurant in Ohio. Dinner and dancing. The dinner part was nice but the dancing part…….I can’t dance. It is not that I don’t want to dance. I cannot dance. To dance requires a little rhythm. I have no rhythm. I have no grace. I cannot be taught. I can’t dance. So, our second anniversary, I am dancing with my wife. People are clearing out of the way, the band can hardly play because they are laughing so hard and I am practically breaking Marsha’s feet by stepping on them. Yes, that is a wonderful anniversary memory.

          But, really, what is an anniversary? Isn’t it a day when we remember a marriage and the years that have gone before? If that is so, then the Mrs. and I have some stirring memories to relive on our anniversaries. Memories from the whole year, not just from the anniversary day itself.

          Danger? Caught out in a small car as daylight turned to dark in a flash and hail pounded on the roof so loud we couldn’t converse. Little did we know that the cars racing toward us and blowing their horns as they passed were trying to out run a whirlwind along the shores of Lake Erie. Made the heart pound. Pne night we drove a little girl who had been sexually molested across the state of Florida in the middle of the night to safety while Marsha watched out the back window for pursuit. We have had our home hit by gunfire. We have had danger. One night we were visiting with my mother and her husband and telling some stories and they just sat there and stared. They thought we had lived a quiet, ministerial life.

          Worry? The worries we all have about our sick child or our sick parents, certainly, but because of the ministry we have had the worries of the other folks in the church, as well. There was the Christmas day when one of our members died while on vacation. Her husband called me about every hour to give me updates, right up to her death around 6 PM. Marsha’s worry when I would get called out at night. We deal with worry better than most because we have had much.

          Joys? Oh, gracious yes. Personal joys for sure, but joys in the ministry, as well. Marsha and I have made each other laugh for 42 years. I have often wondered what people think who see us laughing in the car as they drive past. At a wedding reception once we discovered that our son is even more rhythm challenged than I am as he a couple of other preteen kids went out on the floor to dance. One teen brought her prom date to our house for a visit. I don’t know why she brought him to the house the night of the prom, but I do know the boy was very uncomfortable and I also know I kind of freaked him out by just staring at him.

          Our forty two years have been filled with living. Maybe we can’t look back to wonderful anniversary days, but we can look back to wonderful years together. I once was reading a novel about the old west. A man had met an unusual woman who seemed to complete him. Near the end of the book he thought to himself, ‘this is a woman I can walk the trail with.’ I have thought about that line a lot. Someone you can depend on, someone who will make your life better, someone who has your back.

          We will do something today. It won’t be something most people would consider worthy of an anniversary, but it will be our thing. I think of when our son got married, five years ago next month. The pastor was our daughter-in-law’s pastor and at one point he said something that startled me a bit. What he said was true of him and true of me, but I just hadn’t thought about it. He said Adam and Kim had good examples for marriage. Her parents had been married 40 years and his had been married 37 years. Then he said, “I cannot tell you how long it has been since I have done a wedding where I can say that, because I don’t remember a time when both sets of parents have given their children such an example.” We didn’t set out to be an example. Forty two years ago we were just two kids in love. We are not kids anymore, but we are still in love.