I loved Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was in college there when Marsha and I got married. We didn’t have much in the way of money, but there was always something to do. Mountains, valleys, fast moving rivers. Places to go swimming. This was the mid-1970s. In 2002 we went back for a visit. Guess what!? The place was even more enjoyable when you had money! That was where we were planning on retiring. I would still like to retire there.
Miami, Florida. That was OK. Lots of good memories. The only problem there was the crushing heat nine months of the year and the helicopter sized bugs. Still, there was always the beach. You couldn’t do much about the bugs, but you could hold the heat at bay. I was the music and Youth pastor, but I also had a secular job. I spent a lot of time in the heat. I would come home and it would be about 64 degrees in the house. You know that ‘brain freeze’ you get when you eat ice cream to fast? That is what it was like to walk into our house.
Northeast Ohio. I grew up there and I also pastored two different churches there over a period of twenty one years. (Not at the same time. Ten years at the first, then eleven years at the second.) After that it was the funeral home for nine years. Amazing ministry years. It was the area I grew up in and which Marsha’s family had moved to when she was a junior in high school. We were close to family, which was a blessing. Within two years of moving there, Marsha’s Dad got cancer. We were able to help her Mom during his illness and then his death. In time, my mother took ill and we were able to help her as she spiraled down. And then, Marsha’s mother had cancer and we were able to help her. Our son has spent almost his whole life in NE Ohio, most of it in Geneva. The Lake, the hills, the beautiful Fall colors. Wonderful place.
Urbana, Indiana. To be honest, the worst events of my life have happened right here. Illness, personal problems and I had a spectacular wreck and I don’t even remember it. BUT, the people are awesome. The ministry has been very satisfying. Carry-ins are amazing. And lastly, snow is not a real issue here for someone who came from where I came from.
Every place I have lived has had its pros and cons. I have friends all over the place and former Youth everywhere. It has been a journey to celebrate.
But in the last month I have been asked at least ten times, “When are you going to retire and come home?” These people all come from NE Ohio and the ‘home’ they are referring to is NE Ohio. I was there a long time. My sisters live there. Marsha’s brothers live there. Many former church members. And, of course, my granddaughter lives there. (With my son and his wife, but the important thing is my granddaughter lives there.) The assumption is that I will go there for retirement, especially since I have been so sick.
And it does make sense. Of course, I do not want to retire. But unless I can get some strength back, I may have to do so. I have always said that I would not hang on at a church for the paycheck. So, retirement is on my mind.
However, there is something else. Where is my home?
I used to say that home was wherever Marsha was. That is no longer true. But it goes deeper. I have never lived anywhere in my adult life that I would consider ‘home.’ This has bothered me for a long time. I have never shed tears when the Lord has moved us along. Marsha has, but not me. Always looking ahead for the next challenge. Everyone I know eventually makes their home where they are. I have always longed for home, just have never found it.
Of course, the answers are always in the Bible. You clear your head so the Holy Spirit can commune with your spirit and you will find your answer on the pages of Scripture. In this case, I came across a passage I had read many times. Even preached on it. But then the Holy Spirit made it new for me one evening.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21, 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
There is enough there for three sermons and a half dozen Bible studies. But what I want us to see is verse 20. We are ambassadors for Christ. What does that mean? Well, our lives need to exemplify Jesus. If an ambassador from our country goes to another country and makes the USA look bad, he or she will be recalled. We, therefore, are called on to represent Christ in such a way as to draw people to Him. However, being an ambassador means something else. We had an older couple in our church in Ohio who had three adult children. The son was the under ambassador to France. The ambassador came and went as presidents changed, but the under ambassador stayed the same. This man was a very good Christian and conducted Bible studies at the embassy. Great family. He, his wife and their two daughters. His name was Alan. When Alan’s father passed away, Alan got time off to come home. But his time was limited. We wound up having visitation on Christmas Day and the funeral the next day. Anyway, Alan and I had a few moments to sit and talk and I expressed that this was a very sad trip for he and his family. “Yes it is, Pastor. But Dad isn’t suffering anymore and besides, it is always good to get home once in a while.”
Funny how the mind works. I was reading the passage in 2 Corinthians and it struck me what Alan had said all those years ago. That is why I have never felt at home. I am an ambassador for Christ. Maybe not a very good one, but still an ambassador. As such, my home is with Jesus.
I can live with that.
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