She called me ‘babe.’

          I thought about just leaving it at that and letting you wonder for a week about who is calling pastor a ‘babe.’ Would it be someone he has gotten to know in a doctor’s office? Someone online? Is he dating someone? ‘Babe’ is pretty personal. Who does he know well enough that she would call him ‘babe?’ Oh, this is some juicy news!!!

          Well, she is about ten years younger than me, it looks like she has all her teeth and she has longer fingernails than I feel comfortable with. I have only met her twice.

          She is the fill in morning person at the drive-up window at the McDonald’s in North Manchester. As I said, ‘babe’ is a bit personal and I don’t want to hear it as I wait for my coffee. Actually, I would just like to get my coffee in less than fifteen minutes in the drive-up rather than be called ‘babe.’ Being called ‘babe’ does not help the experience.

          But it got me thinking. If I had responded in kind, I would be guilty of sexual harassment. In our society today, she is guilty of nothing, but because men are just brutish savages, I could be in real trouble for calling her ’babe.’

          New York’s governor Cuomo has gotten himself in trouble both for what he has said and for unwanted sexual advances. If it is all true, he should more than lose his job. He should go to prison. A person should have the right to protect themselves. However, this blog is about words.

          I started out my adult life when calling a woman ‘sweetheart’ was an acceptable thing. You opened doors for them. If you were walking with a woman, you might reach over and place your hand on her elbow. If you were standing and talking. you could put a hand on her shoulder. There were unspoken rules, but they were rules you could live with. The same went for female children and teenagers. None of it meant anything.

          But then, everything changed. To me it seemed that things changed suddenly, but I was assured by my wife that the change had been coming. Practically any interaction between men and women, whether physical or verbal, was sexual harassment. Looking into a woman’s eyes while you talked was sexual harassment. Looking elsewhere on her person was definitely sexual harassment. Telling a woman that she looked nice was sexual harassment. I was never much of a hugger, but it was during this time that I quit hugging altogether. Extreme circumstances, maybe, but mostly not at all. No lingering handshakes, no compliments, no endearments. Well, I do have some trouble with endearments. We will get to that.

          As hard as it is for a minister to avoid these things because of the need to encourage and lift up, it is harder for men in an office setting. I received a call from an HR manager telling me that one of their men was accused of inappropriate touching. They had to send him for counseling. Could I talk to him? His story was that they were in a meeting and sitting around a table. To many people, to small of a table. He was seated next to a woman so close their knees were touching. And that was inappropriate touching. When you cannot interact with half of your co-workers, how do you do your job?

          Now I have entered the time in my life that if I touch a shoulder, it is assumed I am steadying myself, if I hug someone it is assumed I was falling and reached out and if I look into someone’s eyes while talking with them it is assumed I am trying to place them in my mind. But even so, endearments are still a no-no. Endearments are really the only thing that has given me trouble. I get to the point of friendship and I naturally call someone ‘dear’ or ‘sweetheart’ or something akin to that. (Never ‘babe,’ though. That was reserved for one person.) Endearments are a natural thing, and we men are prohibited from using them. I don’t know. Maybe that is a good thing?

          However, endearments are used in the Bible. ‘Beloved’ is used 103 times. ‘Dear’ or ‘Dear ones’ is used, depending the translation, a dozen times. ‘Friend’ or ‘friends’ is used (again depending the translation) a hundred times. And there are groups of words that denote friendship and caring. Paul calling Timothy his ‘son in the faith’ and a woman ‘a blessed worker.’ Maybe it is just because I have never tried to come on to a woman, but endearments are hard for me to see as a threat. I look forward to the Lord welcoming me into heaven with a ‘welcome, My dear son.’  

          If I slip and call you ‘sweetheart’ or ‘sweetie’ or some such, just remember that I am an old man and I am slipping. If I call you ‘babe,’ you can slap me really hard. I don’t mind being an old man, but I don’t want to become a dirty old man.