After I came to Christ, I came to understand that I needed to curb any outbursts of anger. I always had a temper and it could erupt in a blink of an eye. It was a struggle to control my language and my actions. Anger sometimes worked out for me on the football field. As a sophomore I played a lot at defensive end, but I also played on all the special teams. On one play where we kicked off, I was running downfield on my side of the field and the play was going to the other side. I was intent on the ball carrier in case he came back to my side (you don’t really see it or understand it on TV, but the players running down field to cover a kick are in lanes that they have to protect and you are not to vacate those lanes), and he was about to be tackled there on the other side of the field. I was slowing down, still watching the ball carrier, when someone slammed into me, knocking me flat. It was a cheap shot but there was no flag. The other player, from the other team, got up and laughed at me. I was so angry! I decided that the next time they kicked to us I was going hunting for that person. The other team went three and out and had to punt to us. I didn’t care where the punt went, I was going to seek and destroy number 52. As it happened, he lined up on the other side of the field, so when the ball was snapped, I broke from my side and made a bee line for number 52. He was dead in my sights, not even seeing me. I brushed past several players and zeroed in. His back was to me, but I didn’t care. It would be a clipping penalty, but that didn’t matter. Just before I impacted him, he turned awkwardly and was suddenly facing me. He was a dead duck. I let my anger go and plowed into him. It was mean. I got up and looked down at him and laughed at him. Then I started trotting off the field, but saw that the extra point team was coming on the field. We had scored! Wow, I had no idea!

          On Monday, before practice, we would watch the film of the game the Friday before, and the coach would yell at us for stupid plays and such. I was really hoping I could see myself crushing number 52. Oh, it was sweet! When the film got to that point, I saw how the whole play developed. The punt returner was supposed to return to the right side of the field, which was where I was stationed. But that broke down immediately and he had to head for the left side. It probably broke down because I had left my lane to hunt number 52. Number 52 was angling over to cut our returner off at the sideline, but then the returner cut back toward the middle of the field. Number 52 turned awkwardly to track him and I wiped him out. I threw the block that led to the touchdown. The coach showed the hit, then backed it up and showed the hit again. Four times we watched that hit, each time the guys would wince. Finally, the coach said, “Wade, that was a perfect hit. But why were you on that side of the field?” I just smiled and said, “I had a feeling, coach.” Funny thing, the coach saw through it and I wound up running extra sprints for leaving my area.

          But back to point, anger very rarely accomplishes anything. I played better football when I controlled my anger. We make better decisions when we control our anger. Once I went into the ministry, I found out that in church situations there are many times your anger can flare because people, who should be acting like Christians, just act like regular humans. Extremely frustrating.

          So, what should a young man do who has a sharp temper hiding inside, ready to explode? A young man who had once put the good of his team and the welfare of his opponent aside to track that opponent and try to separate his head from his body?

          The only thing I could think to do was to freeze my emotions. Bottle everything up. In a tense situation, I just shut down emotionally. Let nothing show. That was hard, but I was determined to not embarrass Christ.

          Board meetings at the church I pastored in Warren, Ohio were really hard. I was in my late 20s at the start and I really didn’t know much about human interactions. There was always a lot of fighting at the Board meetings. I just sat there, stone faced, gave my report and answered the Board president if he asked a question. There could be shouting and even name calling, but I sat there and didn’t respond. It wasn’t my job to control it and I didn’t try. To be fair, that all changed over the years to where a Board meeting was not a bad experience. But, at the beginning it was tough.

          About two years into that ministry we were having a Board meeting that was particularly loud. Suddenly, everything got quiet. People were suddenly uncomfortable. The Board president asked for a motion that we adjourn. The motion was made, seconded and carried. The meeting was over, but it was only half done. Everyone left in a big hurry. I had hitched a ride to the meeting with one of our deacons, and he said hardly a word all the way back to my house. I was confused by the time I got home, really bewildered. As I walked up the steps I saw Marsha was on the phone. When I walked in I heard her say, “OK, Louise, I am sure he is OK, but I will check.” She hung up and laughed. “Larry, you really shook everyone up tonight. You have to watch those outbursts.” That made no sense. “What do you mean? I didn’t say anything!” She was trying not to laugh and not succeeding. “Well, Louise said all of a sudden you raised your eyebrow. That was enough.” Now, you may think I am kidding, but I am not. In order to control those flashes of anger in tense moments, I had become like those massive stone heads on Easter Island. It was silly, but that was it.

          I don’t know when it began to change, but it did change. I have always felt that I was not worthy to be in the place God has placed me. As I went deeper into the ministry, I saw that I had to rely more and more on the Lord. I suppose that as I gave more and more of myself to Him, He began to solve that anger problem. Finally, a few years later at a different church in Ohio, a man walked into my office, sat down on a sofa, took a deep breath and said, “I always feel a sense of calm in here.” I was a little surprised, but that was when I realized that I was calm. There was a peace.

          Ephesians 4:26 says, Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. We see here two things. The first is, we can be angry without sinning. The second is we are not to let our anger plague our sleep. Get over it. The meaning here, in the Greek language, is not the violent anger that so often affects us. It is literally exasperation. You can be exasperated about something, but you don’t have to get ANGRY about it. If you encounter something that makes you ANGRY, begin praying about it. Maybe for a minute. Maybe for an hour. We talk about ‘righteous anger,’ but is that just an excuse to let anger rule our day?  

          There is so much to get angry about right now. But does that anger draw us closer to the Lord, or push us farther away?