There was another blog article ready to go today. Always a good thing to have it ready. Things sometimes come up and short circuit my time, so it is good to get a jump on it. But something happened and I wanted to share with you an interesting happening, at least interesting to me.

          On Thursday I was in Huntington. I needed to grab something at the grocery store and since I was in Huntington anyway, I ran into Owens. When you are in Owens you turn left upon entering and you are in the produce section. As I did so, I saw the display of flowers. For 43 years I really enjoyed surprising Marsha with flowers. I might buy them from a sidewalk vender, as in Florida. Sometimes in a store. Sometimes in a flower shop. Just to surprise her and make her smile. She was especially pleased if the flowers were in the colors of our wedding. When I spied the flowers I saw a grouping of flowers in our wedding colors. I had taken two steps toward them when it came to me that there was no reason anymore to get her flowers. She has left, gotten divorced as soon as the law allowed and remarried two weeks after that. A 43 year habit might die hard, but it has died.

          I laughed at myself. Not the sour laugh of someone who remembered something that hurt deeply. No, a laugh that was actually amusement. Does that mean I am happy about her affair and then our divorce? Not at all. It just struck me that recalling it there in Owens didn’t faze me and was actually humorous. I thought about it as I went on to find what I had gone into the store to find. I ran the time over in my mind and decided that yes, it must be about a year. I decided I would check when I got home.

          One year ago, to the day, I wrote these words in a blog; It is, as I write this, six AM on Wednesday morning, November 14, 2018. This is, altogether, the hardest morning of my life. I had thought that the morning in the hospital following my by-pass could never be eclipsed. I thought my hospital room was in an airplane and the airplane was streaking straight into the ground. But this morning is far worse. It is real, not drug induced. And, even if that other dream had been real and we would have crashed, at least it would have been over. This morning, and all the mornings too follow, will be met with the same crushing realization. This morning, at 5:30, Marsha drove out of our driveway. She has left me. No yelling, no screaming, no accusations. That is not the way we have ever done things. This was not done suddenly, but over a period of three months. Marsha’s desire, not mine, but no fussing or arguing.

          It has been a year. Wow. And I wouldn’t even have thought about it except for those flowers. It has been a year of hardship, but also of discovery. It has been a year of pain, but also small victories. Mostly, though, it has been a year of confusion as to why such a thing happened to understanding about her motivation. There is another realization here, too. I actually want everything to work out for Marsha. I don’t want God to exact retribution, I don’t want this new marriage to fall apart, I don’t want anything to go wrong with it at all. I cannot believe that God will allow her actions to go unpunished, but my prayer is that all will be fine. As for me, I have to live my life.

          Looking back over 2019, I can see the hand of God working in my life. Folks in the church have prayed for me and offered support. Friends from all phases of my life have reached out to me. Every single day I have been contacted by special friends, sometimes by several. Honestly, it is almost as though you could go to the ATM and take out money every day and it wouldn’t diminish, but rather would grow. One friend from my childhood made a joke one day about an aspect of Marsha leaving and, for the first time, I saw humor in it. It still makes me laugh. Another dear friend met me in Ohio when I went on vacation and we spent two days just talking.

          This year we have seen good things, exciting things, in the church and we have experienced the sadness some of those things have brought. But my vision has been clouded by personal and health issues. As the year of 2019 dawned I really didn’t expect to be alive at this point. My personal life was a wreck in every way. But now, a year later, I rarely think of it. I have a son and daughter in law who love me, a congregation that has been lovingly patient with me and friends I can never repay for their goodness and compassion. As I look forward, I see good things. Everything around me and all the people in my life are in God’s hands because that is where I put you all every day in prayer.

          On November 14, 2018 I stood in my driveway and wept, wondering why God had let this happen. On November 14, 2019 I have spent considerable time in prayer for various folks, I have laughed with people and I have been filled with wonder at how God has taken the darkness and turned it to day. Psalm 30:11-12--- You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever!

          Blessings. And thank you all.