I said that I was ending this blog, but I also said that there would be special occasions. Such a special occasion has come up.
First, some background.
There are things about
the ministry of which the regular person in the pew is unaware. One of those
things is the subject of pastoral ethics. Most would think that ethics would
cover things like physical and sexual abuse, financially abusing parishioners
or stealing from the church. And the idea of ethics does cover those things.
But there are other things, as well. Things that do not normally jump out at
people. However, they still exist. In many denominations that have a strong denominational
government, the prospective minister has to sign the ethics agreement in order
to be ordained. One of those things in the ethics agreement says that once you
have left a church or retired, you cannot come back and perform any of the so called
‘priestly functions.’ These would include, primarily, funerals or weddings. The
thinking is, if the old pastor comes back, he/she takes the pastor function
away from the current pastor and therefore undermines that ministry. Only
permission from the current pastor can allow another pastor to come in and do
so. Some of you are going to get all fluffed up over that and say that you will
have whoever you want to do your funeral. All I am saying is that if a person
signs an agreement in order to get something they want and then later goes back
on it, they are not a very good person. Just like signing a loan agreement. It
is a measure of who you are as that person of God.
In case you are
wondering, I never signed the agreement. I understand and agree with the things
within the agreement. However, my stand was always if you have to get me to
sign an ethics agreement, then the ethics are not mine. On my own, I have
always abided with the agreement, but I wouldn’t sign.
And, most pastor never
live up to the agreement, anyway. We hear about the abuse cases and the
swindling and all the rest. And most pastors have no problem breaking that
agreement when it comes to weddings and funerals. In the case of weddings and
funerals, very seldom is a former pastor’s feet held to the fire. But they
still signed the agreement.
My very first day as
pastor at this church, a smallish man walked into my office. I immediately
liked him. He had an engaging smile that was genuine. His whole manner said
that he was a servant. Odd how there are times you can recognize a man of God
right off. This gentleman said that he knew I would be in the office this day
and he wanted to get by and say hi. Said his name was Larry Ray. We shook hands
and he sat down in one of those old wicker chairs and we visited for nearly an
hour. He was a well of information and he had no problem sharing it. A very pleasant
visit. He told me he had preached around these parts for some years, that he had
been an educator and he lived out in the country. We went back and forth over
the next five years via e-mail and he always addressed his e-mails to me as
Larry in the City, because I lived in the huge metropolis of Urbana. He always
signed off on his as Larry in the Country.
At one point he said, “Brother,
there are a lot of people around here who have asked me to do their funerals
when that time comes. Some of those are in this church. You are the pastor and
I will not step on your place as pastor. I can tell them no.”
I replied, “Larry, I
would rather do a funeral than a wedding because you are needed more. But I
have done way more than my share. I feel like people should have the person
they want, so it is fine with me if you do all the funerals. But I will tell
you this. In 40 years you are the first pastor to ever come to me and ask, and
I really appreciate that.”
How about that? Two
ethical pastors in one room at one time and the building still stands.
When I read the obituary,
I was very surprised at the things he had done. He was the District Supervisor
for the Ft. Wayne district for eight years! That is huge in the denomination.
But on that morning that he just stopped in, all he said was that he had preached
around some. Larry did a lot of great things, but it never seemed to go to his
head. He didn’t brag on any of it, he wasn’t a name dropper. I really believe
that to Larry Ray, his best moments were the moments in which he was living. He
had wonderful friends. He had wonderful memories. And he was getting to do the
thing he loved to do more than anything else; he was allowing Jesus to live
through him and he was allowing Jesus to touch others.
Some of those e-mails
concerned things we didn’t see eye to eye on, but there was never a harsh word.
He was a gentleman in every sense of the word.
The last note I got from him was a text,
which was rare. All it said was that he had enjoyed reading the blog and he
told me not to stop writing. Encouraging right to the end.
A lot of you had longer and deeper relationships
with him that I did. I envy you that. But I think that he touched everyone in a
special way, in a way that will come back to encourage in the years to come.
